Zolan's Blog

It's becoming more and more obvious to me that I am a magnet for strangeness. I attract the strangest people, I get myself into the strangest situations. See previous post for coffee incident. (Click "Read More..." to see my story)

Well, I just got back from the beach and here's a few things that had happened.

First thing was a crazy lady walking down the street, making this horrible guttural scream. It was freaky enough to draw my very close attention. After we passed my girlfriend caught a glimpse of her smacking herself upside the head HARD.

Next, we parked on the beach and a ways down the beach within clear site of us was a couple laying on a blanket in the sand. Well, I pulled out my metal detector and started looking for some glorious hidden treasure when I noticed they were making 'sweet love' out there in the open. This violated me a fair amount because seriously... This is a public area in the middle of a sunny day. Well, they made a change of positions, finished up and to my great surprise and dismay, it was two guys. Well, needless to say, I was once again violated and will make sure to stay clear of all other people on the beach from now on.

Finally, I believe it was later that night, a gentleman from next door asked me if he could borrow some matches. Being an amicable fellow I lent him our only book so he could start a fire and warned him that these cabins we were staying in didn't have the best fireplaces, they let smoke in. And the wood around there is really wet so you have to cut it into small pieces. Well.. He showed me... Later as I was walking by his cabin he (more than slightly intoxicated) told me that there was a secret to building a good fire. "Throw that damn grate right out the back door!" he said.. "First you gotta put yer big wood down, then git yer paper in there, then stack the kinlin on top." It sounded good so far, but then he said, "I got my fire raging, how about you come and check it out." He was drunk but I didn't get a bad vibe from the guy so I followed him to his door. He had locked himself out but luckily his companion (wife?) was inside and opened the door for him. This is where the story takes a spin for the worse. I hear a yelp from her and him saying something to the effect of, "Just go ahead and rap yer afghan around yerself there...". To my horror, there was a rather large ass in some pink lacy undies twirling around trying to get covered... He insisted I come in and then continued to lecture me about how the grate does nothing but messes up a fireplace. "A grate is anything but great!", he tells me. Somewhere mid conversation his lady screams, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!", so I simply respond to her, "He's showing me how to build a fire." Oddly enough that seemed to satisfy her curiosity and I quickly excused myself from the room saying, "Thanks for the tutorial!", and ran back to my cabin and locked the door.

Why does this stuff happen to me?