Howto Bathe - The Basics
Clean Yourself
You would THINK this is a simple task but you'd be amazed at how many geeks seem to find it troublesome and time wasting. Trust me... I work around geeks all day and some of them have their own ecosystem.I do have to say to my own benefit that this is a task I didn't have to learn, it just made sense to me, but others apparently are not that fortunate.
The solution to this one is fairly easy. Simply DO IT. It is apparently a less known fact to geeks that even if YOU can't smell yourself it doesn't mean don't stink. It just means that you are used to your odor and can't tell how nasty you smell.
Ok, first of all, do it every day that you go to work. For an average computer geek this will be Monday through Friday. You can save the weekends to be yourself and stink up your own place while trying to overclock your Commodore 64. Consider this your award for not stinking the rest of the week.
When showering there are a few basic parts you need to scrub... And yes, you have to use soap... As for my suggestion, I use Irish Spring. It's strong enough for a man and can even cut down on geek gunk. First is your armpits. They are the part that REALLY starts to stink. If you sniff your pit, and get a buzz you have some nastiness going on there, other people won't want to be around you if you smell like that.
A lesser known part is your hair. Your physical appearance is also very important. If you walk around with nappy hair all the time people will simply assume you smell even if your pits are clean. Shampoo isn't going to hurt you, give yourself a good lather. Hell, rinse and repeat. Seriously, it will not hurt you and it will really help your social life.
Preventative Maintenance
Ok, now you are clean. That's a good first step but this part is equally as important. There are steps you can take to remain relatively clean and smell free for the rest of the day.Use some underarm deodorant. The actually key word in that last sentence is 'some'. I've known geeks that over compensate and end up smelling like the back seat of a taxi cab with air fresheners all over the place.
The drawback is if you don't use any you end up smelling like a moist yak so you have to find a happy middle ground. I suggest 'Sure Regular Scent' as it's not strong smelling but keeps odor problems down to a bare minimum.
Another thing to consider is a nice cologne. Again, you do NOT want to overdo it. You could end up smelling like a French whore or something worse though, I can't think of much worse than being French at the moment.
There are also obvious things you can do such as brushing your teeth and flossing but that could be another howto all in itself.
All in all, if you follow these directions every time you go into public then you will notice that people avoid you less than normal. You are on your first step to being part of society.
