Howto Use A Public Restroom - (For Males)
Wash Your Hands
Here are a few examples about what is NOT constituted as washing one's hands.- Turning on the water and 'pretending' to wash is not fooling anyone.
- Just a quick splash of water doesn't clean anything and again isn't fooling anyone.
- Grabbing a paper towel without any water involvement means there was moisture on your hands and there is only one place that could have came from... NASTY.
What you need to do is use soap AND warm/hot water. Scrub the soap all over your hands for at least a few seconds, rinse and then dry. I do NOT want to be indirectly shaking your 'member' later and neither does anyone else.
No Talking Allowed
I'm not sure who was the first person was that decided it was 'OK' to speak while in the restroom but they should be flogged. The restroom is a private sanctum. Treat it like a church. The last thing someone wants while draining the bladder is to have someone else ask them how their day is going. If you want to know, stop by my office later. Right now I'm busy...Inappropriate Noises
You may not even know you do this so pay close attention! Of course if you are in the bathroom you are permitted a few certain noises that could even be uncontrolled. These do NOT include; talking to yourself or your 'member' or grunting and groaning. Leave the theatrics at home, the rest of us do not need them.Bathroom Is Full, What To Do
If all urinals and stalls are taken you do NOT stand behind someone like you are in line for a carnival ride. You either leave and come back later or you avert your eyes to the ceiling, floor or any direction not facing another human and keep a good distance. Once an opening is available there is a mandatory minimum 1.5 second wait before you even start heading toward the facility.Hands Off
When a member of your own gender is using the restroom you do NOT touch them. This one should be obvious but apparently not. Someone wise once said, 'Don't touch me when I am touching me!'. Another way one could put it is, "Touch not lest ye be.. wait... If ye be touched in the bathroom call the cops.." It is INAPPROPRIATE.Urine Goes IN Not ON
I don't even think I need to do much describing. Urine goes IN the urinal not ON the urinal. Urine goes IN the toilet, NOT the seat... If, by chance you accidentally spray, clean up after yourself. No one wants to sit in your urine.Do NOT Slam The Seat
First of all, if you are kicking down the seat to the toilet, it's fairly obvious that you either urinated on the toilet seat somehow (or someone else did), or you plan to NOT wash your hands. Either way someone has failed. Slamming the seat could startle someone else who is trying to have a relaxing leak, or startle them while they are zipping adding to the potential of a SERIOUS 'beans above the frank' type injury.Lock The Door Regardless
Ok, the urinals are all used so you decide to use a stall to urinate. You aren't droppin' your pants so why shut and lock the door. That is just a waste of time and then I'd feel obligated to wash my hands... WRONG! This means other people are going to assume since the door is open that the stall is open and probably run into you. This violates a couple of the earlier rules. Just take the extra second to shut the stall door. Remember you will be washing your hands in like 30 seconds...You Washed Your Hands?! Great, Now Clean Up The Mess
Though it is a great thing that you washed your hands take a look down. Did you splash water everywhere? If so the next person is going to have to wade through it. You aren't a duckling that can go splashing water all about. If you made a mess there, dry it up, clean it up, re-wash carefully and then you are done.Flush
Luckily I don't see this as being that much of a problem with geeks but it is worth noting. If you dropped off a bit of yourself in the toilet, flush. If it doesn't go away, take care of it. Find a plunger. Take responsibility for 'your kids you dropped off at the pool'.Flowchart of Urinating
if (You can urinate IN the urinal without urinating ON the urinal){
Urinate();
} elseif (If you think you have a chance of cleanly using a toilet){
FindAToilet();
if( If you can cleanly urinate while standing up ){
LiftTheFreakinSeat();
Urinate();
} else {
ShutTheFreakinSeat();
Sit();
Urinate();
FeelShameForBeingGivenTheRightToStandAndUrinateButNotTheAbility();
}
} else {
FindAFreakinBush();
Urinate;
}
